Lord of The KPIs

Considering the ‘tyranny of measurement’ from ever-increasing hierarchies of KPIs, and the epigraph to the Lord of the Rings as a suitable metaphor, the following emerged:

Three KPIs for the Professors under reflection,
Seven for the Directors in their institutes of engagement,
Nine for Mortal Researchers doomed to die,
One for the Dark Funder on their dark council
In the Land of Evaluation where the Impacts lie.
One KPI to rule them all, One KPI to find them,
One KPI to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Evaluation where the Impacts lie.